Today is my mom's birthday. It's hard to believe that she has been gone almost 10 years. They say that time heals all wounds. It's not true. Time can never heal the wound of losing a parent. I think about her and miss her everyday. This is one of my favorite pictures of us together:
I think about how proud she would be of my girls. I picture her sitting in my living room listening to Chloe play the piano and being so proud that she has learned to play "correctly." (Not self-taught like her. She was a very good piano player, but it always bothered her that she could play better by ear than by reading music.) I picture her sitting at the kitchen table sharing coffee with Tessa and just listening and understanding. They had a very unusual bond. Mom totally "got" Tessa's temperment and could communicate with her like no one else could. I picture her sitting on Brooklyn's bed at bedtime, choking back tears as she listened to her tender heart. (A special gift that I'm sure she got from Grandma.)
Here is another favorite picture. This one is in the garden that Brent made for her. It was taken on my dad's last birthday with her. We lost her just eight months later.
Happy Birthday, Mom. I love you.
Friday, April 11, 2008
My Mom
Posted by JoannCryderman at 7:35 AM
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10 comments:
Tears just running down my cheeks. My dad stayed the night with us last night and I read it aloud to him with Michael Buble singing in the background. The words. Those photos (oh that black and white one is so precious.) I love you...I wish so bad I could have known her. I think she kissed Lainey in heaven too (searching madly for third faded birthmark...it has to be here somewhere!) She would have known that this baby was loved by her daughter and she would have kissed her. Love you so much! Today is a special day and I wish I was there with you to drink coffee and talk about your mom. Happy Birthday, Grandma Gladdy! I'm making Lainey's cake for her first birthday, and I'm gunna ask Grandma Gladdy to help. I wanna make her proud.
Oh rats - I had it on my calendar to send you a card today and I forgot!! I'm so sorry to have forgotten this important day.
I love that you wrote this - and I miss your Mom too. I miss her cooking. And how proud she was of you....she'd get this sort of proud but humble look - kind of tilt her head down into her neck a bit, and tell me something you'd done with a glint in her eyes - like some story from when you were little.
I love you!
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Whoa! I just read the previous comment! You gonna be a write, gurl!
Loving you today, hurting for you, and crying as I read those beautiful thoughts.
You really look a lot like her in that black and white.
oops, I meant you gonna be writer. I, obviously, am not. Needed an editor on my comment.
Oh my word, I'm just speechless. Thank you SO much for writing that. I love your mom. I love that Diane wrote about her head-tilted-down look because I TOTALLY remember that. I remember her as a moving, silent figure in the background of your life - her eyes on you all the time, like in that picture.
Sorry we got disconnected on the phone...just wanted to say that this was beautiful.
I love you.
This is so sweet, I loved to read about your Mom and I wished I had known her. I love the black and white picture of you two together too.
Ah Joann, I think about mom and miss her everyday as well. I have always loved that picture of you and mom in front of the bathroom mirror. I think that bathroom was turquoise.
Being 6 years older than you I do remember a few things about your birth and babyhood with mom. She loved to cuddle you. She loved to put a curl on the top of your head. (I thought it looked silly.) She loved dressing you in pink. She loved to rock you and hum you a little song. She would let me hold you by putting a pillow on my lap and laying you on it. I have a vague memory of mom putting you in the “buggy” (they weren’t called strollers back then I don’t think) and taking us all for a walk around Bundy street.
As you grew older she loved that you liked to play dress-up in girlie clothes. I always played dress-up by putting on Jimmie's clothes. It was the only time I got to wear jeans and to me that was freedom! After 6 years with a tomboy, she was so happy to have a girlie-girl who liked girlie things. I was totally ok with that since it took the pressure off of me to conform!
Mom would be proud of us, Joann; not with many words, but in her quiet way. She’d smile that sort of half smile where it would start out as if she was trying not to smile and then it would turn into a big grin. You know the one, we see it now in Jodie. I wonder if she would see herself in Jodie if she was still here.
Thanks for writing about mom. I miss her so much, but I’m thankful that one day we will all be together again. I love you Joann. And I love you mom.
Ok that one made my cry. The big rolling tears that take your mascarra with 'em. I want to talk to her again soo badly. I miss her. I want to sit and watch her decorate a cake, (I could use a few tips!)
Love you Gramma!!!!!!!!!!!!
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